Sufiah's time at Oxford
Initially, Sufiah seemed very happy to be at Oxford. Farooq was also pleased with the situation, as he tends to obsess over whoever is currently doing well.
But this didn't last long. Although Sufiah was doing well academically, she had only been accustomed to perfection, and this was compounded by the pressure of media expectations and her being the centre of attention. So she claimed to be getting better results than she actually was.
I was surprised when I found out and thought that Sufiah was being too hard on herself, because it's quite normal for students to take a while before they fully adapt to the demands of university. Since I had learned about this before Farooq did, I was able to talk to him about it and ensure that he would handle the situation sensitively.
This seemed to work, and for a while things appeared to be OK, but then another incident occurred. During her first year at Oxford, Sufiah claimed that she hadn't received some important exam results. But when Farooq found out that she had misled him and the results were already available, he flew into a rage. I don't know exactly what happened, but Sufiah was deeply upset and from this point on I believe she harboured considerable resentment towards him.
Many different pressures
Adding to Sufiah's resentment of Farooq were many other problems, such as the whole family being stuck in a tiny Oxford flat during Sufiah's first year (the ceiling actually fell in at one stage!), which proved to be extremely stressful. There were also numerous quarrels between Farooq and other family members, which must have upset Sufiah even further.
A year after Sufiah entered Oxford, Aisha and Iskander were accepted to Warwick University. Because Iskander was only 12 at the time, I had to stay in Warwick while Farooq spent more time in Oxford. So during much of the following tense period between Sufiah and Farooq, my other children and I could not be there to give her company.
But I think Farooq was very overbearing whenever he was with Sufiah; this must have been frustrating for her, as you'd expect a teenage girl to feel. Even so, she seemed to be happy during the holidays when she was in the company of my other children and me.
Finally, Sufiah made a decision to start wearing the headscarf; while I was supportive of her choice, Farooq was displeased. This caused another big row, which led to Sufiah resenting him even more.
Thus Sufiah had to face many different kinds of pressures while still a teenager, and like me she must have felt powerless to change things.
It was a tough choice between two options for my children and me: we could either try to put up with Farooq for the moment, or we could leave.